Infact I have no interest in stepping out of my house and going on a date with a Lagos man…tuehh never again. I will tell you why!!!
Once upon a time, I was in Lagos. I was jejely on my own having a fun vacation which I spent mostly at home with the TV or with books and Twitter. It was my ferocious use of Twitter that led me to this happenstance which I am about to narrate. I met this guy on twitter who seemed like he had sense. We got talking and that was really all I wanted from the guy. I was not in the market for a relationship and so I did not pursue anything nor did I encourage the guy.
He however, was very persistent in his attentions and kept insisting we see in person since we were under the same sky. I kept finding one excuse or the other because really I am not the going out type. Give me light and internet and junk food and I can spend a year holed up in a house. He was not about to take no for an answer, one time he suggested I come to his house so he will make me noodles…as if noodles is now my problem. Obviously I declined that as well..no way his intentions were indomie and even if they were that is just ridiculous.
Over time he began to say I thought he wasn’t good enough for me, I was snobby and what not. As a result, when he asked again to take me out to a chill spot, I gave in. I thought maybe a movie or a lifeband or something but he took me to Ozone and up to one of the eat outs in Ozone. We sat down and ofcourse the waiter came around with the menu.
I feel the need to pause and explain myself here. I naturally am not the type that needs to be impressed with classy and expensive things. DO NOT GET ME WRONG…if someone offers to whisk me off to Paris on a romantic get away I would not hate it but it is never an issue for me. So when the menu came, I was scanning it for the cheapest croissant or something. I also was checking for their pizza collection because my sister as I left the house had said “bring back something”. Obviously I was wondering how to order the pizza because I didn’t want him to think I meant for him to pay. I was with my credit card and I was debating with myself. If I order the pizza and offered my card , he may feel insulted. If I ordered and let him pay he may think am an opportunist. So I was conflicted but I decided to just order a croissant since he took me out and then order the pizza on our way out and pay for that. I looked up and saw him looking frantically at me.
He immediately began to dissuade me from ordering anything. “That snack doesn’t even taste good, don’t order that. Oh that, I had it the last time I was here it really wasn’t all that. This is bad, that is awful. Ohh that one may even be that. You can’t trust their services here”. At this point I was dazed. I was like hold up, why did he bring me here if he had no intention of getting anything. Why did he come to an eat out and watch them offer us the menu if he knew all they had was awful. Why did he stress me in dressing up, dragging my lazy ass from bed and coming out only to bring me to a place he knew was crappy…according to him. I felt so insulted, just see how far I’d thrown my class and my dignity.
Like if I had stayed in my own house would anyone embarrass me like this. No way I was letting that happen so I beckoned the waiter and as the waiter approached the guy was like “what are you ordering? Am serious they have nothing good. By now I was all shades of disgusted, I said not a single word and when the waiter came, I said. “Can I have one large pepperoni pizza please, to go”. The waiter nodded and I went on “You do have a p.o.s yes? The guy said yes and went to get it for me. I made my payment all while uncle sat and looked. “How many minutes please? I asked. The guy said 15.
You would not believe that this date of mine still had the guts to pull a conversation. “WOW, can you finish a large? I spared him no words, I simply glanced up at him and back down at my phone. He was fidgeting by now, unsure how to proceed. When it was 5 minutes left for my pizza to be ready, I pulled up my uber app and requested a cab. My pizza came some 4 minutes later than planned but I sat there looking regal, spine straight like a ramrod while I tweeted. My uber driver soon arrived and I stayed two minutes gathering my things, picking my pizza from the counter and walking out of ozone.
I didn’t glance back at the guy. I didn’t care for his feelings or his ego. I dashed it with so much joy, I only wished I could have embarrassed him just as badly as he embarrassed me. Why??? Am not even the type that demands extravagance. I have taken a guy on a date before and paid for it because I can. When am not broke, it is my joy to spoil my friends. So what did the guy see that he thought even for a second that I was a classless girl he could take to a restaurant for a conversation. So what, we were to sit there and talk with menus in hand and then leave? I honestly don’t know what his plan was but I regretted stepping out of my house that day. When I went home and told my sister, she laughed and laughed and rolled to the ground. That was the straw that broke the carmels back, I am not concerned about appearance or if you drive a range, if you are a Lagos man I would kindly decline your date.